Lions and tigers and bears....

Well no tigers but with all the local sightings of mountain lions and black bears we were on high alert for our time in Yosemite. Saw nothing bigger than deer who are as stupid as they are beautiful. A stand off meters apart on a main road is only ended by sounding the horn at which point they causally saunter off into the woods. 

We worked out we've driven 2800 miles over 59 hours so far and we're tired. As such decided to stay put in Oakhurst for a few nights. 

Day 1 - walked to the top of Nevada falls

Day 2 Slept in, did laundry and then went to the local flicks. Kept open by membership from the locals ($20 p/m) it wasn't that bad for an indie in the middle of nowhere. Watched a double bill of Carrie and Captain Phillips (not a natural marriage but needs must). 

Day 3 went in search of the giant redwoods (sequoias). Good fun pretending to be Lilliputian for a few hours. Then drove behind the worlds slowest driver to Glacier point where you can see the whole stretch of the South Park. 

It was at is point we decided that we don't really like Yosemite that much. It's big, but almost too big to get to grips with. Every trail head requires a 90 min drive to get to the startpoint (less of an issue in summer but when daylight hours are reduced it's a pain. Even with our trusty head-torches we didn't want to be out in the dark when the creatures starting prowling!).  Also the views are pretty monotonous - granite, fir trees and they odd waterfall. Compared to the palette of the GC, Bryce and Death Valley it feels fairly dull.  Unlike the other state parks we've been in, Yosemite feels hard to navigate and the lack of info offered (like trail maps which are kept in the Deli rather than the visitors centre) gave us the impression they'd like people to stay on the buses, get off at the vista points for a photo then move on to the next designated Ooooh point. 

Think we're maybe a bit Vista'd out. 

Things we've learnt so far: 

- hiking means walking. Trekking means hiking. To get these two mixed up leads you to hiking trails as long as a mile at a time. What type of crazy fool would tackle such a feat. Despite the toddler-distance we are still advised to carry a quart (no idea) of water p/hour.  P/hour to walk a mile?!

- nice people don't go to bars outside of the city.  We tried both of Oakhursts bars and concluded that only loons, bikers and raging alcoholics frequent them. The first one was half portacabin, half chicken shack and was covered in hilarious slogans (favourite being a cartoon of a voluptuous g-stringed woman quipping 'don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff'. Nice). The helium voiced bar maid was beside herself with mirth at a new video they'd just found on YouTube and proceeded to sing Crazy Frog at us. We smiled somewhere between polite and alarmed and were thankful at the end of verse 2 (which I believe to have been improv) when she stopped and handed us our beers. 

Ignoring C and I, the cumulative amount of teeth in the bar must have totalled 20. And it was quite busy. 

Next bar looked normal but inside had the party atmosphere of The Accused.  Barflys growling about how much they hate their women, and 2 good ol' boys soaked in whiskey, arguing who was the poorest and dancing to the Eagles on loop on the jukebox.  Quickest. Drink. Ever.

- it's ok to talk during films providing the actors aren't. And take dogs in your handbag. And feed them m&Ms through the film. 

Road trip then down to Santa Barbara back on the west coast.  Wealthy Californians skateboard their way around town. Good fun place. Good wine. Of which we drank way too much and had our first hangover of the trip so far. 

It was Halloween Saturday (like mad Friday but with random costumes) and we ended up tailgating a frat party group (led by a woman dressed as Rainbow Bright) around too many bars. Ended up at someone's wedding party, got locked in a park and had to climb over spiky railings to get out (on sober inspection the next day we were not locked in and could've walked 20m on and out). Thus Sunday was spent lying in the sun and moaning. And not in a good way. 

Next stop LA-la land where we've decided to spend no more time than absolutely essential before we fly out to Mexico City.  A little apprehensive about the next step- different language, pace, culture etc. all of which we've missed experiencing so far but still, think it's going to be a shock to the system. And of course we've got to get BA-Cogswell on another damn plane.... Why is Chris buying some milk and heading to the pharmacy?

Utah: the book of Mormons

From feast to famine. Or Vegas to Utah. Or slack-jawed mouth breathers to wholesome god botherers. Whichever, we left Vegas via the gym (another example of why we're never going to be Vegas lovers) and headed East through Nevada, a bit of Arizona and into Utah.

Proper cowboy scenery for hours and hours of driving. We might have passed the odd truck but that was about it. After the sensory abuse of LV it was fantastic. We stayed in a one horse town called Tropic. Like something out of Little house on the Prairie - all log cabins and churches that looked like they could be blown down with a decent side wind. Our motel was a Mormon establishment (as are about 80% in the state) so we checked in with our 'just married, haven't had time to change the passport' excuse ready.






I loved Utah. Aside from the scenery I found the people simple and honest which is fortuitous as their mantra is 'live simply and healthily' (as the numerous car stickers remind you). Women don't bother with the vanities of make up, hair products, heels or waists, and the menfolk sport big beards. Right now, we fitted in quite nicely!
Everywhere we turned there were stacks of the Book of Mormon to help yourself to (we didn't - both reading Lionel Shrivers latest which I suspect to be more entertaining and a bit less god-dy) and as the state shuts on Sunday for church we did find ourselves forced into a simple and healthy life when we left a state park and realised there was just us and the tumbleweed kicking around. We had a quiet afternoon of reflection ( for which read planning the rest of our time in the US. Mormons have good wifi & no-one else was using any bandwidth on the sabbath)

While we were there we visited Bryce Canyon and walked through some other-worldly scenery. A mixture of fault line movement and sandstone erosion has created thousands of 'hoodoo's' - towering layered rocks that are constantly changing shape each time the elements wash away a bit more. We were leaning back and admiring the view following a descent/climb hike when we heard a domestic tourist advising his fellow sight-seers not to bother walking further that the viewing point as it's 'just more of this rock stuff'. True in a sense but I'm not sure where else in the world has similar 'rock stuff'.









Then onto Zion National Park where we climbed up to Angels Landing. I bottled the last 1/2 mile and left Chris to it. So glad I did as I watched others come down in tears having frozen with fear and being coaxed down by well-meaning but precariously balanced strangers. Chris continued to the top using the metal chain for stability over one-steps width of rock with a 3000ft drop either side. Mentalist.



Another big plus point for Utah - they do salads. We had the healthiest food we've had since arriving there and despite their abstinence, they do serve booze to tourists as Chris sampled. Note the branding: Polygamy Porter.why have just one?. Nice.


As the US is now fully open again, some big drives ahead to try and catch up with stuff we intended to in the first week so from Zion we headed West. After several hours driving through Arizona, Nevada, Area 51 (a nuclear testing site so close to Vegas I can't help but think they're missing a trick) & back into California what we really wanted was a motel that smelt like sewage, with nothing around bar an old casino 7 miles away. Luckily we found exactly that so after a slap up meal of luke-warm burrito/burger we joined the bedbugs for some kip.

A hearty breakfast of dry toast later, we hit the road again. Until now I thought my scathing review of Forest Mere Champneys would be the most damning trip advisor review I wrote. How things have changed!

10 hours of driving later - through Death Valley, Sierra Nevada and Yosemite, must have covered several flights-worths of elevation from 100ft below sea level to 9000ft above, dust filled desert to snow topped mountains- we've arrive in Oakhurst (just South of Yosemite) & are staying put for a few days exploring the big trees, El Capitaine & The Half Dome.

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Vegas Baby!

The journey from the hugely impressive Canyon to Vegas started with showing Gayle the wonders of the world famous Hoover Dam.


"It's not as big as I thought it would be..." was the almost enthusiastic conclusion.


No problem we have the incredible world beating attraction of Las Vegas coming up just around the corner.... (I think you know where this is going?)

To start our assessment... It has the best shopping malls - see Gayle present the incomparable rough approximation of the Grand Canal! (Smile for the camera...)


See me introduce the transcendental attendance in the grandeur of the Sistine Chapel, complete with fashion accessory stores and night club! (Say cheese...)


The most celebrated hotels...


Religious history and institutions....


And believe me if it were polite or safe to photograph every person on the strip who has swapped their teeth, brain and dress sense for a yard of Margherita and a fist full of call girl cards we'd have some absolute belters of the general public to share.

My personal favourite tonight was a typical redneck who used the broom from an impressively constructed balloon-witch outside a typical bar/family diner to pose for his girlfriend to photograph him as though it was his todger. Comedy genius, I feel the dry wit of Peter Cook and the imagination of Monty Python was all a mistake now.

Gayle's favourite was the hot pant sporting somewhat mature, but never under-made-up waitresses deftly keeping the motionally-challenged slot monkeys in bud-lite and whiskey. They were perty.

We tried a few angles to justify the pull of Sin City:

- The hotels are the most impressive!
(Read: a lot of money has converted a dull dual carriageway on an industrial estate into a very odd dual carriage way on an industrial estate)

- You can't enjoy it on a budget!
(Read: it's set up to bleed you dry, if you have budget then you could spend it on transport to go somewhere different)

- You have to get into the mood!
(Read: you have to pretend you enjoy losing money, self respect and a sense of taste - yes both meanings)

Apologies if this is your dream holiday destination, we always knew it wasn't going to be our particular cup of tea! We might go see find some really big holes in the ground to gawp at instead before our big journey down to Mexico in little over a week....



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Little leg stretch around the canyons

15th October
13 miles walking the southern rim of the Grand Canyon today was brilliant fun. Saw deer, chipmunks, elk (given I've been known to do huge detours because of cows, walking past Elks with their big antlers did not please me!) lizards, condors, and a tarantula having a stroll himself at Hermits Rest




Everyone knows what it looks like so I won't bother trying to describe it but we were both very impressed and what would normally have taken us 3 hours took most of the day due to gawping stops.




We've read up on all the rangers advice around wildlife:
- Don't antagonise the Elks as they're particularly aggressive in Sept/Oct (no elaboration as to what aggravates an elk)
- Most snakebites are down to people trying to handle them .. wtf?! Darwinism at best surely. If you're stupid enough to handle a rattlesnake you have no place here.
- Careful where you put your hands as scorpions are the same colour as the rocks. They will also climb into your pockets/bags/sleeping bags for warmth.
- Altitude makes you a bit mad so don't wander off the trails on your own.

That and posters telling you how many people have been rescued from 'the depths of the canyon' each year could give the idea they don't want people getting out the tour buses. With that in mind we're descending into the basin tomorrow - not the whole way down, about 3000ft. Neither of us have ever a hiked at altitude so playing it safe for this route. And so to bed (soon), early to rise and face the elks, scorpions, spiders and snakes....

16th Oct
Hiked the Bright Angel trail down to Plateau point & back today. Avoided any of the aforementioned creatures, in fact saw nothing more than ravens & lizards (and a few cheeky squirrels trying to break into some monks' backpacks). Round trip was exhausting but well worth it. In the basin the temperature is up to 30 degrees (f) hotter than on the rim, it's completely silent & incredibly beautiful. Not until we got to Plateau Point can you hear anything other than the occasional cricket & bird, at the Point you can see & hear the rapids in the Colorado river below. Not sure our photos really do it justice but being in the canyon gives a very different perspective.











The climb back up was ok for the first few hours but the last 1000ft was a killer. Lactic acid on overdrive, lung capacity started to feel like they were running on 50%, and I (G) got a pounding headache like my skull was too small for the contents!






Whole trip took us about 7 hours (not the 9-12 hours the scaremongering advice in the ranger centre said) & so far has been the highlight of our trip.

Back to the motel for a glamorous night of laundry & burritos before crashing out in a leg-twitching exhausted heap.


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Into the desert

14th Oct.
Arizona state has agreed to fund the state parks for one week so after a few days on the coast we're heading 650 miles East to Tusayan. Big relief to get moving as neither of us wanted to burn anymore time and money in holiday resorts. After Arizona we'll see if anything else is opening and if not, cut our losses and head to Mexico early.
So - 11 hour drive through incredible scenery, listening to suitable road trip music - Kings of Leon, Lana del Ray, Violent Femmes & of course Nick Cave for the bits when there was just us, some scrubby plants and the horizon.
We did shifts in driving and as the roads are empty, straight and in beautiful surrounds the time went by a lot quicker than expected. Stopped for lunch in a diner down a dirt track - only sounds were the Stars and Stripes flag pole clanking and the whirring noise inside the head of the waitress as to why there were non-locals there. Pink lemonade & grilled sandwiches later and back on the road. Literally the road. For 200 miles before the next turn.
Got here around 20.00 so drove through sunset - stunning. Whole world turned burnt orange then pitch black with some very impressive star light. Tired and hungry so found a motel and now off to bed. Got some hiking to do tomorrow and lots of pointing at canyons.



Wifi is shonky so dates posted are not always going to be the dates referred to and pics might have to be added later on.
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Santa Cruz. It's not that far

11th Oct 2013
As the mean folks of America don't want their fellow Amurcans to have health care the shut down continues and all national parks are out of bounds. We're reading other travellers blogs and in Death Valley rangers have been stopping people even getting out their cars for photo shoots so doesn't seem a great gamble to drive out there only to keep going. Instead we're heading south down the coast in the hope that after a few days of seasides government will get their act together.
Next stop Santa Cruz then. C drove us out of SF so all I had to do was map read. Along with lathe work, heavy lifting and working remote controls navigation is a known strength of mine so we were out of the city in no time at all*
Headed down Route 1 to Santa Cruz where we stopped for lunch & happened upon a pod of humpback whales really close to the end of the pier. Stunning if not a bit overwhelming to see such massive creatures feeding so close to shore. The seals and porpoises didn't get much attention as a result. Santa Cruz is very nice - feels a bit like time travelling back to the 60s. The old boardwalk has been modernised sympathetically but was (thankfully) closed in Oct so we got the scenery without the screaming kids. In their place were hippy kids of all ages mulling around making paper flowers & flying kites. As you do.




From there to an all American experience of staying in a roadside motel in a little place called Seaside (The only place on the coastal route to call itself that and not be) and dinner in a plastic fantastic sports bar. 28 screens all showing a different sport, all with the sound turned up. Food was mostly fried chicken in different sized baskets so I had Merlot instead. Not a night to be repeated in a hurry but interesting none the less. Lots of white and blue collar types dressed up for a night out, all age ranges, all bellowing support at their chosen sport irrespective of what the person sat next to them was watching. The table next to us were going bonkers over a game of online poker!
Walking home we noticed that we really are the only walkers - not sure if this means the other diners are good at having a designated driver or if the local police are quite tolerant of drink driving. Or maybe, not having the pleasures of residing at the Thunderbird Motel (empty pool included) they'd travelled further afield for their 48 buffalo wings.
On to Monterey - nice enough old whaling town with some old shizzle to look at. Inadvertently joined in with a charity walk for Alzheimer's who loved C and shouted Ginger Snap at him repeatedly. Chris loved it and high-5'd them all, started a chant of 'when I say Ginger, you say Snap' the whole route** A lot of them were wearing comedy ginger wigs & had stickers on their T's saying 'I love gingers'. googled it later and the local woman they were walking in memory of was a red head nicknamed Ginger Snap so being singled out by hundreds of strangers came from a place of love.
Two things of note - firstly the massively fat kid in an electric wheelchair who'd decided his skills were better used in driving alongside the walkers playing them tunes from his boom box than getting off his fat ass and walking with them. Being the possessor of arms he could have carried his boom box and still provided he ents, although this would have restricted his taffy eating hand. Secondly, the distance they were enduring (& I hope Sibling reads this before her half marathon next week and thinks on). 3 miles. It was a humbling morning.
At the end of the walk there was a little fete thing with a Survivalist stand selling everlasting cakes/beans/chicken-lengths for when the zombies/rapture/immigrants come. The whole Survivalist thing is interesting in itself but targeting people with Alzheimer's struck me as misplaced segmentation.
Drove the very scenic and famous wiggly cliff top bit of Route 1 down to Pismo Beach. Not sure if that was the best road for my first ever overseas driving foray but we got there.

Onto Pismo beach for 2 nights. There's talk of Arizona self-funding the opening of the Grand Canyon Park so will explore the coast a bit more then see if we can head inland.
* quite a long time as I took us down a parallel road to a fast one. Ours had stop signs about every 25m. On the plus side though C got used to the controls quite quickly. Although it being an automatic there are only 2 settings.
** never happened.
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San Francisco; Wearing flowers in our hair

So after a very tight journey to the airport (Thanks TFL for putting the wrong destination info on the platforms) we checked in with 4 mins to spare & tear-arsed across Heathrow. barely had time to throw a few Valium down before we were airborne.

Thanks to said valium, red wine & a very uneventful flight we landed in San Fran, got the train to our hotel and were out seeing the area by 6 pm.

2 further days in SF did all the usual. - nob hill, china town, north beach, telegraph hill bla bla...
The wharfs were predictably plastic and to be avoided - unless you wanted to drink/eat your own body weight in sugars in which case they're the perfect venue - but the areas further in town, particularly the hill dweller houses were great. Jet lag meant we started the day at 5am so were a bit mental by the afternoon. Got the cable car home ( the driver as happy, if not more, than me to be about his daily toil) & became aware of the fact our hotel was in the middle of The Wire territory. Perfect if you wanted meth, otherwise not so much. That is what you get for trying to do North America on backpacking budgets.



Anyway, meth procured we set about not seeing Alcatraz (Thanks Republicans). Instead we went on a boat trip to the edge of Alcatraz (let's have a look at what you could've won...) and around the bay. best of the situation really. Slightly odd gesture of US service that they refunded our tickets and gave us complimentary pics of the two of us stood against a garishly coloured backdrop of Alcatraz - odd because we were taken behind a screen for said photo. The other side of the screen (and where we then walked out to) was the real Alcatraz. Clearly not photogenic enough compared to its day-glo mural! Will send pics home if we ever spot a post office as they won't survive in my rucksack.

From there we walked 9 miles along the waterfront & across the Golden Gate bridge where I moaned for hours that my new travellers knickers were the most uncomfortable things known to woman. The bridge is notoriously windy of course & C was sporting a Jedward/Doubletake brother do by the time we finished. Strong look but barely noticeable in this city. Other than my whinging & the pollution inhaled on the bridge great day. impressive structure, great scenery , good leg stretch & topped off with a ruby for dinner.



Overall thoughts on San Fran - as pretty, multi-cultural & bohemian as expected. chilled for a city & fair play to the people who decided back in the day to drop out & live off weed (without any nonsense about higher plains/spirituality - just good old fashioned hippies)- They do no harm and society doesn't seem to object to their choices either. The whole tolerance thing is very nice to be amongst - all of the US thinks this way yes?

That evening discovered there was nothing wrong with my new underwear that wearing them the right way around wouldn't fix. Clearly jet lag not quite over.